This video has nothing to do with this post, maybe.

It's another, whoever they paid to do the video, they got paid too much. That seems to be the norm in this kind of thing, I think, but I could have put up far worse. Some notable exceptions, but this really has nothing to do with this post, maybe.

It is interesting as hell to see the changes that have happened since the no Ritalin, which wasn't but a few days ago. I mean who has more fun than I do with brain fucking? Sadistic. I want to turn it around. Any volunteers?

Brain drugs are a funny kind of thing to mess around with. Not funny ha-ha or as we really don't mean on the net, lol. They are normally a very subtle thing, very powerful, but not bang in your face. The hard part is trying to compare what was, with what is. Kind of like trying to remember what an orgasm felt like. You can't do it, but you know it was good or maybe it was bad. It's true, there are some that are just more outstanding then others, well I have them, I don't really know about you. Now, normally you should just take the change at face value. Weigh the pros with the cons and ultimately you do. Sometimes it's an instant OMFG this is serious bad news, not a good place to be at all. But, it doesn't end the same med or combos, not always. You have to "tinker" with the doses. Fuck!!

This last combo, the one I took myself off, with the Doc's permission, was strange, perhaps an understatement. The problem was, other than the blood pressure, I could not tell, due to outside my control influences, what or how it was settling in. What was this new me, what are my capability's now, sort out the old coping skills, or ingrained coping skills that weren't really a need anymore. The possibility of going back to it again are real. This BP thing needs to be weeded through first. But as the old me returns it is comforting, that is the old me on the mood stabilizer and if that's where it has to stay, I'm good with it. I do not like this Valium thing at all and it will be looked at soon. It is not doing what I think it should be doing, but, again, it may be life habits and again, I need to work through what I can take care of and what I can't and hope like hell it is enough to make it bearable.

I think I mentioned, before, here that I never understood why someone on the Bipolar Spectrum would ever want to go off their meds. I do now. I was seriously missing that old me. I won't go off that med, but the ADHD thing I think I may let slide, maybe. The Anxiety Disorder, well that still needs to be dealt with and that part is part work and maybe part med. That, in my theory, the Ritalin should have helped with. My theory is not wrong, it just might not be doable.

So what the hell is this all about, this post. Nothing really, other than it's me writing it out, seeing, or trying to, things more in black and white. I do not think in the black and white generally.

BP tonight was 180/80. It is down, big time by about 20 on both, if the grocery store machine was right, from the Ritalin period.

Ohm time. I think that's how it is spelled or maybe that's the word for resistance. Omega, cool letter. It would work for the task, but I don't do that kind anymore. Everything Is, Zen, Gavin. I'll make your tune do the job. Although I think I'll use "Machinehead" instead. Now that one they paid to do the video? I hope not.

Postage here will get off this track soon. It's already starting to wander. I can't help it, again, and I'm glad.